Medication Woes

I tried to refill Lily and Lola's heartworm medication prescriptions yesterday through 1-800 Pet Meds. Boy, was that a mistake. First I get a call from Bridgeville Animal Hospital telling me that Lola has not been tested for heartworm and they can't renew her prescription. I called them back and, after getting the run-around and waiting an hour for a call back, I was told that, yes, in fact, they can renew both dogs' prescriptions, but they won't confirm with 1-800 Pet Meds online or fax me the prescriptions. I have to come to the vet in person to pick them up. When I asked why this is the case, I was told "because the vet wants to discourage people from buying medication online." The woman went on to say that medications purchased from websites could be counterfeit or obtained from the "black market," so their hospital only recommends purchasing directly from them. That would be an easy decision if, say, the vet didn't charge twice what 1-800 Pet Meds charges. I then asked if they would match prices. Of course she said no, and I again asked why. I was told that they can't buy their medications in bulk, so they can't afford to sell them at such a discount. So, my only option now is to make an out-of-the-way trip to Bridgeville Animal Hospital just so I can be a good pet owner and maintain my pets' medication routines.

After my discussion with the vet tech, I decided to do some research as to whether these claims about counterfeit medications have any truth to them. What I discovered is that, while vets may have some legitimate reason for concern, as not every online pharmacy is reliable, 1-800 Pet Meds is an accredited online veterinary pharmacy by the National Association of Boards of Pharmacy, and there is really no reason to make it so difficult for customers to purchase from them (other than the fact that vets are losing business). It really makes me angry that policies are put in place purely to make it a hassle for me to care for my dogs in the most cost-effective way. Even if the hospital won't change their policy on approving online pharmaceutical orders, it irks me that they won't even fax the prescription to me. Their policy of making you come pick up the scrip is deliberately in place to make it inconvenient for the pet owner to order anywhere but directly from the vet. If I even had a clue where to begin going about getting this changed or revoked, I would start immediately, but I guess for now I'm going to have to grin and bear it (and maybe pay a visit to the Bridgeville TJ Maxx while I'm out to ease my sorrows).

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

If Mister Rogers had an archenemy, it would be my dog Lily. I recently purchased a Mister Rogers book and DVD for my cousin's son's birthday. I had them set out with the gift bag I intended to package them in, but Lily was too quick for my procrastinating ways. Yesterday morning, when I got out of the shower, I found Lily sprawled out in the hallway with the "Trolley Visit to Make Believe" book in her paws and a guilty look on her face (though unfortunately not a viral video, guest star on Good Morning America kind of look). As upset as I was that Lily had destroyed what would have been a most splendid gift for a 2-year-old, I chalked it up to a case of doggy boredom and nothing more. That is, until I realized I had a repeat offender on my hands.

Same scenario, different day. I get out of the shower and go downstairs to find "Adventures in Friendship" de-sweatered and chewed around the edges (yes, a Mister Rogers DVD was encased in a sweater - tell me that's not adorable). So now not only has Lily obliterated my entire gift for Collin Stalnaker, but she has proven to have a personal vendetta against Mister Rogers, one of the nicest men to ever walk this earth! I know what you're thinking: how did Lily get a hold of the DVD after she had already taken the book? Didn't you put it away? To that I say, yes. Sort of. I kept the DVD in the same spot where I was keeping the book, but I covered it up. I didn't think Lily would ever make the same horrible, blasphemous-against-childhood-memories-everywhere mistake twice, especially not when my room is filled with other more appetizing things for her to steal. I guess I underestimated her disdain for charming television icons of the 20th century.

I can picture it now how the great heist went down. Lola stands with her ear to the bathroom door, giving Lily the go-ahead nod when the shower starts to run. Lily, much like the giant in Jack and the Beanstalk, uses her keen sense of smell to seek out the blood of the "Englishman." When she finds her target, she quickly and nimbly grabs it from the pile and retreats downstairs to take out her vengeance in private. There she sits, gnawing on the DVD case, spitting out a corner with a look of disgust on her face, all while muttering, "Beautiful day in the neighborhood, my ass!"

I have a few more weeks to pick up a new gift for Collin that will earn me the title of "Best Second Cousin in All the Land," but I am going to make sure I get Lily's approval on whatever I decide to buy. I mean, if this is how she feels about Mister Rogers, imagine what she'd do to Sharon, Lois & Bram!

Only Lola Can Prevent Kitchen Fires

Tonight, as I was preparing my Weight Watchers-friendly dinner consisting of chicken Marsala, mushrooms, broccoli, and roasted red potatoes (hungry yet?) and I had a little mishap with the oven. It started when I went to get the chicken out of the oven and my thumb went over the potholder and touched the 450-degree pan. I screamed, dropped the chicken pan, which subsequently flew into the coils, caused sparks, and then splashed a piece of chicken out into the bottom of the oven. Meanwhile, my mushrooms were going from brown to black and my water for steaming the broccoli was boiling like crazy. As I tended to my burnt thumb and the rest of the meal's components, the chicken that had fallen on the bottom of the oven started to burn. Soon, the smoke alarm was shrieking and I was running around turning on vents and opening windows. Don't ask me where Guy was in the midst of all of this.

Finally, after I had gotten everything back to normal and dinner was served, we sat down to eat and noticed the lack of a certain bearded black monster who usually sticks her nose right into our plates before we get the chance to take a bite. We looked all around for Lola and she was nowhere to be found. Usually we don't even have to call her before dinner - the plates clinking is enough to attract her to the living room, but this time, she wasn't even coming when I yelled her name. Finally we decided to check the basement for her in case she had gotten trapped in the garage (it's happened before). When Guy and I went down the steps, she reluctantly came out of our storage room, looking pretty shaken up. She then came upstairs and proceeded to lay her head down on Guy's lap, not paying any mind to the plates full of food sitting inches away from her soft black nose. Plus, she was shaking. This was totally unlike Lola, so we checked to make sure she hadn't gotten into any chemicals in the basement (she hadn't), and the only conclusion we could come to is that she had gotten spooked when the smoke alarm was going off and went into hiding in the basement.

As traumatized as she seemed, it was actually sort of cute to think that she hid out down there, not to mention that we now know how to keep her from begging for scraps!

Lola's Lecture, AKA -- A Post for Jerod

Throughout the past six months or so, Guy and I (mainly I) have undertaken the task of tearing up all of the carpet in our house that has been desecrated by our lovely little beast we call Lola. No matter what we seemed to try, from teaching her to ring bells on the door to spending a fortune on Sears carpet cleaning, Lola refused to stop relieving herself on our plush beige carpet. So, in an effort to deter her disgusting habit, we tore up the carpet bit by bit and replaced it with cheap vinyl tile. Every time we got another section of flooring torn up, Lola moved her favorite potty spot to any remaining carpet she could find.

This past Sunday, we removed the last of the carpet from our master bedroom. The only place where our floor is still cushiony under our feet is the downstairs entry and our walk-in closet. Guy made a comment that we should make sure to close the closet door, lest Lola deem it her new toilet.

Well, Monday came and went, and when the girls arrived home after a long day at Camp Bow Wow, no one let them out to go to the bathroom. At bedtime, I marveled at how cute my two little puppy girls are, having put themselves to bed in the spots where Guy and I usually lay. Then, my eyes fell to the closet door, which had been left open during the day. We are stuck in an old routine and unfortunately, so is Lola. There on the carpet was the tell-tale dark, wet spot. Lola had done it again!

It was at that point in time that I decided Lola needed a lecture. I looked at my little bearded sausage there on the bed, took her head in my heads, and said, sternly, "Your daddy was right about you! We've raised you from a pup and this is how you thank us?" Then Guy, arriving on the scene, decided to add his two cents in. He said, "Yeah, we're your parents. Don't think you can treat us like your little friends down the street!" We were both very pleased with our recollection of parenting cliches. Lola, on the other hand, met us both with her usual blank stare. However, until that day when we do decide to bring human children into the house (hopefully not any time soon), we will get wonderful practice giving good talking-to's to our canine kids.

If Only I Would've Had a Camera

Today Lily & Lola came home from a long day of playing at Camp Bow Wow. They ate their dinners and promptly took up their usual positions begging for food while Daddy and I ate our dinners in the living room. Lily soon tired of this business and curled up for a long summer's nap. Lola, determined to beg till she dropped, stayed under the TV tray where she usually sits, but her eyelids soon betrayed her. Guy and I watched as they started to droop and she struggled to keep them open. But the "America's Funniest Home Videos" moment came when Lola actually closed her eyes and started to slooooowwwwly tip over. She fell asleep sitting up! She was rudely awakened when her head hit the side of the TV tray, but, boy, did we get a good laugh tonight! If only we could have shared it on tape with millions of Americans (and my future husband, Tom Burgeron).

Odd Choice of Signage

I had to take a dog to the South Hills Animal Hospital the other day for work, and I haven't been inside there for a few years, so as I was taking in my surroundings, something jumped out at me. On their front-desk counter, there is one of those plastic signs with engraved letters. You would expect it to say something like "payment is due at the time of your appointment" or "cancellations require 24-hour notice" -- you know, something generic and office-like. No. Instead it says, in big, bold letters -- "GRAPES AND RAISINS CAN KILL YOUR DOG!"

Um...okay...

So can lighter fluid, but you don't have a sign posted about that. I know that grapes and raisins have been the "trendy" item lately for people to make you worry about, but to have an engraved sign about it posted at the vet hospital? It just seemed strange to me.

Mad Mama

I have never been as angry at my dogs as I am tonight. Guy is on a business trip to Virginia, so I'm home alone with the ladies, and usually they are good for me, but tonight is an exception. First of all, Lola has been on this kick lately of squeaking out any door that we open, so she constantly gets out without her leash or collar on. It's not really a problem when she goes out the back door because she usually just runs up the hill and comes back in a minute or two. But tonight, she decided to make her escape out the front door. A black dog on the street in the dark is not a good thing. Now, the reason Lola even had the chance to get out the front door is because of Lily, Miss "I will whine to no end about having to go to the bathroom, but when you let me out, I won't do a thing." I literally let Lily out about 6 times within the span of an hour and a half, and she did absolutely nothing. I knew she had to go number #2 because this is a typical routine with her. I decided to give her one more chance and take her down the street for a change of location. Ideally, Lola would have gone in her crate so I could handle Lily and her poop bag by myself, but not even Nut-tastics could tempt Lola into her cage. She knew something was up.

So, I tried to just get out the door without Lola following, but she got out before me and took off down the road. There I am, screaming her name (to no avail) with Lily on her leash coming along for the chase. Every time I got close to Lola, she just took off further, till she eventually started going into the adjacent townhome plan to ours. It was at this point in time that Lily decided she was finally ready to move her bowels and a nice young couple walked up the road and attracted Lola's attention. I am struggling with Lily while trying explain to them that, yes, Lola is friendly, but that she got off her leash and I'm trying to catch her. They bend down to pet her, only sending Lily into a frenzy because she wants attention, too. As they leave, I'm finally able to pin Lola down to the ground, but there was no way I could walk Lily back home, carry Lola, and carry the poop. So, unfortunately, I had to leave the poop on the ground. I feel really guilty about it, but I couldn't even find it again after the fiasco with the couple, so I just hope nobody steps in it.

At this point, I am about 100 yards from my house with a 45-pound dog hoisted in my left arm and Lily pulling me along on her leash. I pretty much died on the walk back home. At least I don't feel as bad for eating that Dairy Queen cupcake now.

In conclusion, it took all the mental strength I could muster not to strangle both of the dogs upon arriving back home. I am so sick of these issues, which, in my opinion, could be solved by having a house with a fenced-in yard. Can someone please buy me a lottery ticket?